


If Looks Could Kill

by Llybian



Series: Summer Nights [17]
Category: Slayers (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Dragons Can't Flirt, F/M, Filia Likes Xellos's Staff, Life is Wonderful, Plan X
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:13:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28155897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Llybian/pseuds/Llybian
Summary: “Well, if he likes negativity, then you just have to be positive,” Amelia said brightly.Filia’s brow crinkled. “Positive?” Treating Xellos with any kind of positivity aside from positive revulsion had never occurred to her.
Relationships: Filia Ul Copt/Xellos
Series: Summer Nights [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/796563
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	If Looks Could Kill

“I’ll kill him,” Filia vowed in high, scandalized voice. She stared across the dining hall at the purple-haired _fiend_ sitting just two tables away and cheerily giving his order to the waitress.

“I don’t really think that’s going to work, Miss Filia,” Amelia said nervously, with a discouraging wave of her hand.

Filia, with a great deal of effort, managed to shift her gaze from her least favorite traveling companion over to Amelia, her seat-mate. Even though they all traveled in one party, they often took up several tables at restaurants. This was because Lina and Gourry required so much… space when they ate. First off, they tended to order more food than could possibly fit on the table at one time, so there wasn’t room for anyone else’s meal. That wasn’t such a big deal because _any_ meal at the same table as Lina and Gourry became _their_ meal. What really worried anyone forced to sit next to them was the flying arms that flapped in unpredictable and sometimes impossible directions as the two of them shoveled food in their mouths as quickly as they could. A bruised jaw had taught Filia early on that sitting next to Lina when there’s anything deep-fried on the table was a _bad_ idea. That elbow was _bony._ And this wasn’t even mentioning the silverware fights that occasionally broke out…

Bottom line was, she and Amelia had retreated to a table close by as soon as Lina started cracking her knuckles and Gourry’s stomach had started growling. Zelgadis had left them too, for a table at the far end of the dining hall with his back to them. He’d been in a bit of a bad mood lately.

But none of them were the problem. The problem was…

“Well, I didn’t mean it literally,” Filia snapped, “but someone’s got to do something about that monster!” Filia turned her gaze back to ‘that monster’ and glowered. “Xellos! He thinks he can just waltz back into the group after what he did last week? Well, he’s wrong! It was all his fault that that town got destroyed anyway. If he’d only told us that dragons weren’t allowed then we never would’ve gone there in the first place. Him and his stupid guide book… I bet he would’ve just let Miss Lina and Mister Gourry eat that Dradora’s Surprise too!” Her complexion greened slightly, but she mastered the urge to throw up. “I should give him a piece of my mind!” she declared, reaching almost absentmindedly for the mace holstered to her thigh.

“Right, I just don’t think that’s going to work,” Amelia said weakly, deciding not to mention that the whole ‘town destroying’ thing only happened because Filia lost her temper.

Fila turned a betrayed look on Amelia. “How can _you_ of all people say that? Aren’t you always going on about fighting evil?” She gestured broadly at Xellos’s table-for-one. “ _There’s_ evil!”

“I know that,” Amelia said, adding some pepper to her soup. “But do you really think going over there and shouting at him is going to do any good? This is Mister Xellos we’re talking about. He’d probably just think it’s funny.”

Filia relaxed the hand on her mace, feeling slightly dismayed. “But…”

“After all, Mister Xellos _is_ a monster,” Amelia went on. “They really thrive off that kind of negativity.”

Filia looked angry, then she looked crestfallen, then she looked angry again. “Are you trying to say that there’s nothing I can do to punish him for his bad behavior because he’d just _enjoy_ it?” she demanded.

Some of what Amelia said, Filia was forced to admit, made a lot of sense. Xellos seemed to get an unnatural kick out of upsetting people. Then again, when she’d fought with him before… well, he’d smiled and he’d laughed at her, of course, just like the jerk he was. But sometimes there had been a… strained quality to it. Like some of her rage and a few of her insults had actually hit the mark in a way that made him a little uncomfortable. By what Amelia was saying, he should’ve been having the time of his life… but for some reason her words had stung him…

“I’m not saying that,” Amelia explained. “It’s just that there are other ways.”

Filia’s ears pricked up from behind the globular ornaments attached to her headdress. “What kind of ways?”

“Well, if he likes negativity, then you just have to be positive,” Amelia said brightly.

Filia’s brow crinkled. “Positive?” Treating Xellos with any kind of positivity aside from positive revulsion had never occurred to her.

“You know,” Amelia prodded. “Think happy thoughts! Praise life and all its wonders! True Love! Friendship! Justice! Charity!” She smiled. “Be nice to him and he won’t be able to stand it.”

“I can’t be nice to _Xellos_ ,” Filia half-shrieked, half-whispered. “The very idea is just… no! I can’t do it!”

“But just think about it,” Amelia encouraged her. “There’s probably nothing that would bother him more than _you_ being nice to him.”

Filia gave it some thought. Of course it was impossible, but… “Would that really work?”

“Oh yes,” Amelia said with a fervent nod. “We’ve threatened it before when we needed him to tell us more than he wanted to.” She did a celebratory fist-clench. “Even monsters quake in fear against the power of JUSTICE!”

Now that Amelia mentioned it… she did remember Xellos looking a little uncomfortable when Amelia had climbed the tree in the village square and started proclaiming the virtues of the heavens. Though, then again, Lina had buried her face in her hands, Zelgadis had started muttering what was either a prayer or a curse, and even Gourry had looked a little embarrassed in the face of this impromptu Justice-harangue.

“That’s always been our emergency plan for dealing with Mister Xellos,” Amelia went on. “You know, if we ever had to fight him or something.”

“Really?” Filia asked.

“Yeah,” Amelia said, now sounding a little unsure. “Although… Miss Lina says we don’t need to worry about that anymore, because if Mister Xellos _does_ get out of control, we can just throw you at him, shout ‘Look, a distraction!’ and run off.”

Filia slammed her hands down on the table. “She said _what?_ ”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it,” Amelia said, holding up her hands and looking like she wished she hadn’t mentioned it at all. “It’s just that… you know… you two get distracted by each other, that’s all.”

“We do _not_ get distracted by each other!”

“Of course you don’t!” Amelia went with, because Filia was eyeing her silverware in a not-too-friendly manner. In the last silverware battle, Filia had actually _beaten_ Lina. The only one who’d ever managed that before was Gourry. Best not to tempt fate. After all, armed only with a soup spoon, she’d be at a natural disadvantage.

Filia appeared to calm down at this retraction. She breathed deep for a moment and then turned to glance at Xellos. “So… how would I go about this… positive thing around him?”

“Just sort of… radiate happiness,” Amelia said thoughtfully, not commenting on Filia’s Xellos-distractibility factor.

Filia looked and Amelia with a severe expression. “How am I supposed to radiate happiness around _that?_ ”

“Well…” Amelia said, sitting back. “Try not to think about it being Mister Xellos. Just think about things that make you happy… flowers… kittens…” She tried to put herself in Filia’s shoes. “…antiquing?”

Filia stared at the wood grain for a minute. Would this actually work? On the one hand, yes, negativity was a monster’s sustenance so positivity should at least annoy, if not hurt, him. On the other hand, a bit of her soul might _die_ if she actually went through with it. Was this really the only way of effectively fighting Xellos?

She made a fist and slammed it down on the table. “I can do this. I am strong!” she declared.

“Go get him, Miss Filia!” Amelia chirped.

Filia got up, and made that slow, painful walk to Xellos’s table. Halfway there she stopped and looked back at Amelia who gave her a thumbs up. She gulped and kept moving.

He looked up at her as he saw her approach and she knew from that moment that this would be no picnic. Just seeing him look at her with that curious expression made her fingers itch for her mace. She noticed that he’d already gotten his dinner order. It was a slice of cherry supreme pie. For _dinner_. Sure, monsters think that the rules don’t apply to them—that they can just go around eating dessert for dinner and not face any of the consequences. _Bastards._

She stopped herself and tried to focus. If she was going to get that upset over a slice of pie then this whole operation was doomed. She forced her face into a smile and sat down across from him.

“…Hi,” she said.

 _And it sounded so wrong!_ Xellos should never be greeted with a simple "Hi" or "Hello" or even a slightly frivolous "Hey there, hi there, ho there." Not when "Xellos!" "What are you doing here?" or "You’ve got a lot of nerve to show your face around here after what you did!" were infinitely more appropriate.

He stared into her smiling face. He definitely seemed put-off by the friendly greeting, so Filia hoped her plan was working. But just a second later he turned his attention back to his pie.

“Nice effort, Filia,” he said, “but you need to scrunch up your eyes more if you want to get it just right.”

That threw Filia’s smile completely off. “What?”

“Of course,” Xellos said, tapping his cheek thoughtfully with his knife, “yours is _way_ better than Mister Zelgadis’s try, so I guess I have to give you credit for that.”

She looked at him like he was crazy, which she was beginning to think that he was. “What are you talking about?” she demanded.

“Your impression of me,” he explained, taking a bite of pie and chewing it in contemplation. “They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” he added.

She stood up violently. “It wasn’t an impression! Why would I ever want to be like a filthy mon—” She remembered her role just in time and calmed down. She lowered herself back into her seat. “I mean, I was just smiling. I’m allowed to, you know,” she added with slight petulance.

“I _suppose_ so,” Xellos mused, as though this was a debatable issue that he wasn’t currently in the mood to argue. “And what exactly are you smiling about?”

Filia was encouraged by Xellos’s reaction of mild distaste. Although, to be honest, it seemed like her smiling was bothering him less because it was positive and more because he had the sneaking feeling that she was making fun of him.

“Oh… you know… it’s just… a beautiful day, that’s all,” Filia said, struggling to play her part. “So full of _life_ ,” she added vindictively.

“Life?” he repeated, taking a bite of his pie.

“Yes, _life_ ,” she answered through gritted teeth, her eyes following the movement of his hand.

He noticed this and gestured at his slice of pie with a fork. “Did you want some?” he asked in that awful ingratiating tone.

“No,” she said stiffly. “I don’t eat pie for dinner.” After all, if you don’t eat your meat then you just _can’t_ have any pudding. _How_ can you have pudding if you don’t eat your meat?

“And aren’t you the dietary paragon of virtue,” he commented nastily, taking another bite.

“Anyway, as I was saying about _life_ ,” Filia pushed forward.

“What about life?” Xellos asked, as though hoping that Filia might get to the point soon.

“Well… uh…” Filia wasn’t quite sure where to go from there. She hoped that she’d just praise life a bit and Xellos would shriek and steam would hiss off of him or something… or at least he’d just get annoyed by it. She strove for something to say… Amelia was so much better at this kind of thing. “It’s good, that’s all.” She paused. “And… I’m happy about it.”

“Wonderful,” Xellos commented dully. “And you were moved to report this happiness to me… why?”

Filia bit her lip. This line wasn’t really working. What else besides praising life had Amelia mentioned? Something about true love…

She stared at Xellos for a moment.

_Moving on…_

Well, she’d been trying to think of adorable kittens since she sat down, so the psychic warfare really wasn’t working on that side. The problem might have been that she was praising life, smiling, and thinking of happy things without actually being very happy. Since it was all directed at Xellos, there was probably a little too much malice behind it for it to count as positive.

…What else do you do when you’re being nice to someone? Well, you compliment them, but she couldn’t really do that with Xellos, could she? Certainly not sincerely. And if none of the other ploys had worked without sincerity, then neither would this one.

Then again… there had been a few times since they’d met that Xellos had… well, for want of a better word, he’d complimented her. He probably didn’t mean it most of the time, and there was usually some sort of nasty barb attached to whatever he said but… _whenever_ he did it, it was always… strange. Considering that they hated each other, maybe he’d feel the same disequilibrium if she complimented him… even if it _was_ forced.

She ran her eyes over him, searching for something to comment on, whilst he chewed his pie and looked at her like she was losing her mind.

“Your umm…” she decided to go for something she thought was fairly neutral, “your staff is… nice.”

He narrowed one eye and gave her a "Yep. The dragon’s definitely losing her marbles" look. “My staff?”

“Yes,” she went on, now that she was already too deep in to get out. “It’s um… well, is that a ruby or something?”

He looked over at the staff leaning against his chair and then gave her a mildly befuddled look. “You’re saying you like my staff?”

“Oh yes,” she said triumphantly, quite clearly seeing how her comments were confusing him. He was already trying to figure out her game. This was working! “And… your hair is so… shiny and… purple.” Thinking up compliments was hard. Not, she was shocked to realize, because she couldn’t think of features worth complimenting, but because she couldn’t quite explain why they were worth complimenting.

He surveyed her with the same mystified look as she tried to think up a good follow-up to ‘purple’, but suddenly, the clouds seem to clear. “Ah,” he said understandingly, setting down his silverware and sitting back. “I think I know what’s going on here.”

She strove not to panic or turn around and exchange a look with Amelia. “W-what?” she tried. “Going on? Nothing’s going on. We’re just talking.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Your technique is understandably awkward, but I think I see what you’re going for.”

Filia was not entirely sure what he was talking about, but bristled with indignation in any case. How _dare_ he call her technique awkward? Whatever technique he meant.

“I must admit, I’m surprised,” Xellos said, looking at her as though in a whole new light. “But then again, maybe I shouldn’t be.”

“Surprised about what?” she demanded.

“You’ve been sheltered in that temple your whole life, and now that you’re out… well, things are different,” he said with a helpless shrug. “You’re not used to dealing with this kind of thing.”

“What are you talking about?” she snapped. She thought she was fulfilling her role as guide quite well despite the fact that she’d spent most of her life in the temple, and she didn’t take kindly to garbage questioning her navigating abilities.

“Of course, it’s understandable that you’d have needs. Perhaps I should just be surprised at your gall to actually pursue something like this, though,” he looked at her almost fondly, “you’ve never had a shortage of _that_. Still, it must’ve taken a lot of nerve to try this—more than I honestly would’ve expected from you.”

He scratched his cheek. “As bizarre as the situation is, I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was a little intrigued by the idea.”

He looked up, as though deep in contemplation, while she took her turn to look at _him_ like he’d gone mad. Finally he withdrew from his thought process and shook his head, “I’m afraid the answer is no,” he summed up. “Even though we’d both obviously enjoy it, we’d really just be asking for trouble.”

She slammed her fists on the table and stood up. “Enjoy _what?_ ” she shouted. “Tell me what you’re talking about, you stupid monster!”

He wagged his finger in front of her and treated her to an obnoxious smile. “Dragons are such abysmal flirts.”

Three rage-filled seconds later, the table split in half. Xellos stared down at his pie, which now had a mace embedded in it.

“I wasn’t finished with that,” he said.

A scream shattered every glass in the room, as Filia brought her hands up to the gem on her robes and began glowing gold.

Amelia, having watched the whole thing from a distance, scuttled over to the table Lina and Gourry were still eating savagely at, as though nothing out of the ordinary was going on.

“Miss Lina,” Amelia tugged urgently at her sleeve. “ _Miss Lina_ , we have to get out of here!”

“Huh?” Lina looked over at the table Xellos was still sitting calmly at, watching the glowing dragon girl in front of him. “Oh geez! What’s going on with those two now?”

“I kinda told Miss Filia about our emergency plan for dealing with Xellos, and she thought she’d try it,” Amelia explained anxiously.

“You told her about Plan X?” Lina asked sharply. “Well, it doesn’t look like it’s working!”

“I think she’s doing it wrong,” Amelia insisted.

“Oh man,” Lina said, letting her head fall into her hand. “And I wasn’t even done yet. Do you think there’s time to get a to-go bag?”

“No!” Amelia shouted.

“XELLOS!” a voice screamed, getting louder and louder until it was punctuated with a laser ray.

“Now, now, there’s no reason to be shy about it,” was the only thing that they heard before the thunderous splitting of timber left a dragon-shaped hole in the wall.

Lina chewed on a chicken wing idly as she watched a tiny purple dot and a larger golden dot disappear noisily over the horizon. The Innkeeper gawped at the hole in the wall. He appeared to be crying.

“Do you think it’s time to retire Plan X?” Lina asked.

“Plan X _can_ work,” Amelia maintained.

She turned to look at the buckled wood hanging sadly over the fissure. “It just… obviously doesn’t work for all people.”


End file.
